Better to Dream
by lovelyfrances
Summary: Bella is torn between the man she thought she always wanted and the man that has her heart. How can she marry Edward when her dreams and her body are consumed with want for Jacob? Lemons galore! Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**This one is for all of my Team Jacob friends...I certainly am a huge fan of Edward, but as I was listening to a decent song the other day I was inspired to write a bit of an angsty yet satisfying tale of Jacob and Bella. Lemme know how you like it! We'll see how long this one goes for...read and review - thanks!**

**All human, lemony, of course.**

Chapter 1

_"Why are you doing this?" he demanded, fury and pain laced his eyes with red. "Is he making you?"_

_I shook my head unconvincingly as the tears fell. My lip trembled as I looked up into Jacob's eyes which caused a full-out sob to escape from me. His large, warm hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. My arms laid limp at my sides refusing to wrap around the one thing that I never wanted to let go of. I knew if I embraced him in return that I never would leave..._

_"Bella, listen to me," he whispered into my hair, "I need you. You're my best friend. You can't leave me, I don't know what I would do without you..."_

_I buried my head in his chest as his faded t-shirt soaked up my tears. His fingers laced through my hair tenderly, rubbing the strands between his forefinger and thumb. My lungs took in two large breaths as I prepared to tell him, "Jacob, I'm going with Edward to college. I will work for the first semester until I get accepted into a college there somewhere. He's going to Dartmouth; he's going to be a doctor."_

_"Is that what you want, Bella? To go to some school and be the girlfriend of an aspiring doctor? What about your writing? Traveling you wanted to do? What about what Bells wants?" Jacob said as he pushed me away to look at me. His eyes still looked as though they were stinging with tears. I tried to appear as resolved as I possibly could and nodded yes. "Well then I am coming with you. I have enough cash saved up to go, I just need some time to figure out..."_

_I had to be brave and convincing. "Jake, I'm leaving and I don't want you to come with. Edward and I are starting a life together, not Jacob and Bella."_

_His eyes unwillingly pooled with tears as they toppled down his cheeks. "But I though that you were going to stay here and go to school. With me." he barely was able to push those heartbreaking words out. I swallowed the pent up sobs in my chest as I continued. Jake and I had planned for years that I would take my generals at the local community college until he graduated from High School. Then he would go to school for vehicle repair (which he was already proficient in) in Port Angeles and I would go to college there to finish up my schooling. It had been planned that way as long as I could remember, at least until Edward came into the picture._

_"Please Jake, don't make me choose between a mundane, boring life here in Forks and Edward. I will choose Edward. Every time." That was low and even I knew it. I stayed visually confident, but on the inside I was torn apart. Edward had given me an option to stay here or go with him. He wasn't willing to try a long distance relationship; he wanted all of me or nothing. Apparently Jake was more than unwelcome in Edward's eyes._

_"Bella..." he exhaled defeated. "But..."_

_"Jake, stop," I knew what was coming. I didn't want to hear those three words escape his lips. My toes extended upwards so that I could reach his wet cheek, kissing it gently. "I'm leaving in a couple of days and I wanted to say goodbye."_

_He stood motionless, eyes closed and fists clenched._

_"Goodbye, Jake," I whispered. I turned and made my way out the front door where the familiar rain cascaded over me. It camouflaged my tears as it soaked me completely; I forgot my jacket in the truck. I swung the door open and stepped up into the cab when a hand grabbed mine. I turned back to see Jacob breathing heavily and staring directly at me. He pulled me out of the truck, wrapping his arm around my waist and cornering me roughly against the side of the bed of the truck._

_"You're not leaving until you hear me out," He nearly yelled out, "I am completely, utterly and in love with you. I have been for years and I know that you feel it too. I'm sorry that I waited until now to tell you, but know that I would never hurt you. I would be loyal. I would never make you choose between me and your best friend. Stay with me - please."_

_"Jake, I..." I whispered, overwhelmed at the amount of feelings running through me. I didn't have time to analyze any of them before Jake grabbed the base of my neck and pulled me toward him, kissing me hungrily. His lips were surprisingly soft and moved fluently against mine. I let him kiss me hoping that he would tire soon and let me go, but he continued. His persuasive lips kept on until I gave in, answering him in every movement. I opened my mouth slightly to slide my tongue across his lower lip, causing him to groan and flatten himself against me._

_I called his name again, but this time it was an urging to continue instead of an explanation for him to stop. He brushed my sopping wet hair away from my collarbone, dropping his face to kiss my jawline and behind my ear. My hands stayed glued to my side and I tried to remember why I had to leave in the first place. I arched my back into his body as his lips returned to mine, tongues dueling and lungs gasping for air as the rain poured down our bodies. I moaned slightly when I felt Jake reach down my back side and grip onto my thighs, lifting me easily and wrapping them around his waist, pinning me closer to the truck. His obvious arousal rubbed against me and my resolve completely disappeared._

_My hands unclenched and dove into Jacob's long, sleek hair, pulling him closer to me. It was now his turn to moan._

_"Bella..." he exhaled. I dropped to his neck and kissed it roughly, grazing my teeth against his skin as he hissed. Tearing me from the truck, he stomped back into is house, through the living room and into his bedroom. The room was black due to the late hour of my call and I recalled that he was at my father's house, likely sleeping off the buzz he acquired after the big game tonight. He often crashed on our couch._

_I was set on the ground gently and Jake tore his shirt over his head, revealing the lean, hard muscles he had perfected over the summer. I stood in awe as I ogled him, clearly impressed with his physique. I hadn't seen him without his shirt on since last summer and his brawn was nothing short of impressive. My hands found the hem of my shirt as I pulled it up and over my head, leaving me standing in soaking jeans, flip-flops and an white cotton bra. Jake's jaw dropped as he echoed my ogling. "Bella, you have and always will be the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. Right now, I don't think you could be any more gorgeous."_

_I lept into his arms and kissed him with intensity. He enveloped me with his arms and walked toward the bed, bracing me as he leaned over me and laid me on the bed. Every time I imagined moments like these, I would imagine them with Jake being nervous or clumsy, but he knew everything that my body needed without asking. His fingers slid across my body, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. Jacob truly knew exactly what I needed, emotionally, mentally, and now physically. He undid the buttons on my jeans and pulled them off, doing the same with his own immediately afterward. He stood before me in white boxers and I laughed._

_"What?" He smirked._

_"We match."_

_I pointed at the white bra and panties ensemble I was wearing and he chuckled, resting his knee in between my legs and laying down on top of me. "You look awfully innocent with your outfit on. I doubt that I would be lucky enough to be your..."_

_"I have never done this before. You would be my first, Jacob Black."_

_He looked at me and laughed, "You haven't done this with, umm, anyone else?"_

_I stared back seriously. He knew not to say his name right now, "No, no one else Jake. Kiss me, please."_

_His lips found mine again and kissed me sweetly, moaning every now and then. My leg raised and he met it with his hand, caressing the skin on my thigh. I sucked in his lower lip and bit it gently. Jake growled and reached around my back and unclasped my bra, pulling it from my body. He kissed down my chest and kissed my right nipple, licking it and teasing it._

_"God, Jake..."_

_He did the same with my left breast, kissing and licking, and a familiar coil tightened in my stomach. I hadn't ever felt release from it and its intensity was nearly overwhelming. My hand slithered its way down his stomach and slipped under his boxers, gripping onto his tremendous length. His mouth released my nipple and his forhead fell, resting on my shoulder._

_"Fuck, Bella..."_

_I shifted my hand up and down his cock, reveling in its large perfection. Truly, I was a bit intimidated by his size. He hooked his fingers around my panties and pulled them down, ripping them off completely when they reached my knees._

_"Impatient, are we?" I laughed._

_The white fabric was tossed to the side as he began kissing up the inside of my thigh, sliding his tongue along the way. I was tremendously nervous waiting for him to reach my core. My breathing picked up and he brushed against my hot center, kissing it and licking it gently. "Jake, wow..."_

_He laughed against me and kissed his way up my stomach, stopping again at my breasts. I moaned again and grabbed his cock, stroking it firmly. Jake groaned in return and his lips swiftly met mine. I felt his length at my entrance and he pushed into me. "Oh, God!"_

I felt large hands shake my shoulders as I stirred awake. The room was dark and the hands on my shoulder were slender and lean unlike the firm, strong hands that were on my body eariler. "Bella, you're dreaming."

My eyes focused as I turned my head toward the velvety, smooth voice. "I'm sorry..."

The voice laughed, "It's okay, just go back to bed. Love you, Bella."

She contemplated for a short time and laid her head back down. "Love you too, Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone - thanks for reading. Here's chapter two to my little tale. I hope that you enjoy it - read and review! It will get much steamier in later chapters, I can assure you. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

The coffee seemed to take forever to brew. I glanced around the old kitchen that I was still very comfortable in. Charlie's kitchen. The table hadn't moved, the walls hadn't been painted, and it has only been five years since I had been home, but it is just as though I've never left. My father turned the corner into the kitchen and I smiled at him and glanced back down to the brewing coffee.

"Morning."

"Morning, Dad. Off to work so soon? I just got in last night." I grimaced at the fact that I'd be home without any books, people to listen to or things to do.

"Yep. Duty calls, Bells. I'll be home tonight around six o'clock or so." He rummaged through the kitchen in search of something quick to eat. I felt so at ease here with him. I was deep in my nostalgia when he started talking again, "You know, you could go visit some of your old friends. I know Angela lives a couple of miles outside of town and Jacob has his own place on the reservation. I'd bet that he'd love to see you."

I simply nodded once, hoping he would drop the subject. Jacob. That name has been on my mind more recently than ever. He never leaves my thoughts for more than a day at a time, but lately he is all that I can think about. The frustrating thing is that my sole purpose here in Forks over the next couple of weeks is to prepare for an upcoming wedding.

My wedding.

I was getting married the last Saturday in August to Edward Cullen, the man I have been with since high school. Future Doctor Cullen. Most likely to succeed Edward Cullen. The perfect boyfriend, fiance, and the most sought after man in Forks history Edward Cullen. He is the one that I should be ecstatic to be marrying, the most logical choice that anyone could or truly should make. My dress was what the perfect bride should have. The date was set during one of the most beautiful times during the year in this part of the country. Our honeymoon was supposed to be a surprise, but I was certain that it would be at the most exclusive location imaginable.

Everything was what every bride should want, but my mind was severely doubting the whole decision.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Edward dearly. He was too good for me, it seemed. He treated me well and was respectful, but in a way, I resented him for taking away the most important thing to me. He took me away from my best friend. I could tell that he was jealous of our unique friendship, but he would never admit it. The thought crossed my mind to make it a point to see Jacob before the wedding to apologize for everything. To try to make amends...

"By the way, you got a postcard in the mail today. I'll see you tonight, Bells," Charlie took a bite of his meal bar and nodded goodbye. I let my mind wander after I heard the door shut.

_He caressed my cheek gently as our pulses calmed, his hot breath gently covered my forehead. My body was covered in a thin blanket of sweat as I laid underneath him on the bed. His skin was so warm._

_"Are you okay?" he breathed out quietly._

_My body was way better than okay, I had just experienced the best pleasure of my entire life. I had just had mind-blowing, life-altering sex with my best friend. My conscience was another matter altogether. I was going to leave for the east coast in two days with my boyfriend, and I just realized that I was in love with Jacob._

_"Yeah, I am."_

_"Bells, I..." He looked away and repositioned himself at my side, his left arm under my head and his right wrapped around my body, "I love you, Bells. I really do. Please, don't make me beg you..."_

_I kissed his lips with my eyes closed hoping that would hide my true intentions. I snuggled up into his side and he pulled his blanket up to cover us. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as he pressed me tighter to him, willing me to stay. I moved to kiss his cheek and Jacob rested his head on the pillow, leaning his head on the top of mine as his breathing slowed._

_It wouldn't be long before he was out cold...and I could leave._

_Beep._

The coffee maker chimed and I shook my head out of the daydream I was just in. I poured a cup and popped in some bread in the toaster. Glancing at the table, I noticed the small, rectangular glossy photo sitting there alone. I picked it up and reviewed it carefully. It was a photo of the Fork's welcome sign right as you enter town. I laughed. Turning it over, my heart started to pound steadily as I read its words:

_Bella,_

_Don't be a stranger, now._

_Jacob_

The front door flew open and I heard a voice call out, "Hello? Bella?"

I turned and held the postcard behind me, stepped back toward the counter and quickly shoved the card in the junk drawer. "In here!"

Edward turned the corner and smiled his famous smile. He looked as good as ever in his slim fitting dark denim jeans and grey t-shirt. His hair looked perfectly tousled and effortless - only I knew how long it really took him to make his hair look that messy. I forgot that I was in nothing but my sleep shorts and Forks High gym t-shirt; it was all that I could find to sleep in and it smelled musty. My hair was a snarly mess and my eyes still squinted sleepily. I look like a beast compared to him.

"Good morning, sleepy head. Did you just wake up?" he nodded toward the coffee machine.

"Yes, actually. I did," I tried to act casual, but all I wanted to do was obsess over the piece of paper I received in the mail, "would you like some?"

I turned to grab a cup for him and I felt a pair of long, lean arms wrap around my waist. His head rested right over my left shoulder as he kissed my neck, causing goosebumps to rise over where the kiss had been. "I would like some, but what I want certainly isn't coffee. Are you trying to kill me in these little shorts you're prancing around in?"

I smiled, "That was the goal. How could I tempt my future husband into actually sleeping with me before the wedding? I have more plans later, I promise."

"You minx. I won't give in...but it doesn't mean that I don't want to give in. It's been so long..." his hand reached under my shirt and spread across my stomach, sliding back and forth against my skin.

"We can certainly give in at any time. I'm about to explode here. You do realize it has been over two years since we have done that." I elbowed him slightly. It certainly was not my decision to wait until we were married. We had a couple of drunken nights of sloppy sex back in the earlier years of college, but that's mostly because of me. I was starving for some type of electrically charged touch and there is only so much that you can do with yourself. I wanted what I felt that one night with Jacob. Edward did not ever make me feel that way. In fact, he seemed afraid of the whole sex topic altogether.

Edward laughed and dropped his hands. "Hurry up and eat your food, babe. I have some errands to run in town and I thought you'd like to come with."

"Sure, why not?" I exhaled. Edward turned to the living room to catch up on ESPN while I read in peace and enjoyed my breakfast. I allowed my mind to continue to wander into its previous daydream.

_Jacob's eyes drifted shut slowly, but his grip around me was still tight. It was as if he was trying to hold onto me before I was gone forever. When he exhaled, he sighed quietly, mumbling incoherent words. This continued until his arm fell from my shoulder, alerting me that he was stone asleep. I took the chance to rise , shifting out of the blanket carefully to avoid a draft for Jake, waking him up. _

_I dressed quickly once I located all of my clothing, which was scattered all about the room. While searching for my clothes, I was reminded of all of the memories that Jake and I had. The photo of our motorcycles that we secretly worked on a year ago, the movie stubs to the scary movie we saw a couple of months back, and even his books tossed around his room that I used to help him study. This boy, man really, was a big part of the home that I knew. My eyes watered as I braced myself to walk out of the door. My eye caught his dresser mirror I smiled, remembering how we used to draw on it with dry erase markers when we were younger. Glancing down, I noticed that there was still a blue maker resting next to his deodorant. I grabbed it and quickly wrote on the mirror:_

_Jacob - _

_I__ love you. No matter what, don't forget that. Please forgive me..._

_Yours always, _

_Bella_


	3. Chapter 3

**Now this is getting more interesting. I finally had a chance to do this today and I really hope that you enjoy it. I liked writing this one the best so far...I'd love to hear what you guys think about this story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and I hope to make each chapter interesting enough for you to keep coming back for more. Thank you - thank you thank you! Tell me what you think...**

**Chapter 3**

Once my coffee was finished, I ran upstairs to get ready for our outing to wherever Edward wanted to go. The summer air was warm and humid and I was excited for its heat. I threw on a pair of red shorts and a white v-neck t-shirt and braided my long brown hair over my shoulder. I felt rested and excited to get out of the house. With growing up in such a small town, I was guaranteed to see someone that I knew. I had to make sure that I looked somewhat presentable. Whenever I was with Edward, I always felt like people wondered why we were together. I was so plain compared to him...

My bedroom door swung open and Edward strolled in.

"Hey," he said as he walked towards me. His hands found my hips and pulled me forward to him, as gentle as always. He treated me as though I would break, snap under his touch. Edward always held back, was always reserved, never pushed me or challenged me.

"Hey," I smiled at him. He smiled back and kissed my cheek and stroked my braid. There was never a doubt that he loved me. The complete adoration for me always radiated through his stare. However, I sometimes questioned whether or not that the love that he felt was for an imaginary Bella that I would never be or live up to.

I was attracted to Edward and I cared for him tremendously. He had given me so much over the last few years, but I couldn't help but feel as though I was given these things so that I would become what he wanted me to be. I wanted to feel free to be me, to live life as an adventure and take risks, to be the main character in my own romantic, exciting tale that my children would tell their children. I saw normal, safe endings with Edward without risks. I knew that I would be taken care of and that is something that I guess I settled with.

His lips moved to my lips and he kissed them slowly, taking his time to enjoy each sensation. My hands ran up the sides of his stomach, ending by wrapping my hands around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. We were alone in my childhood bedroom and I was feeling as randy as ever. With the lack of passionate embraces between Edward and me, I was going crazy with want looking forward to the wedding. At least then I could be somewhat satisfied.

I let my mouth open as I lightly dragged my tongue across his bottom lip, causing him to moan quietly. His fingers dug into my hips slightly as he opened his mouth to me, engaging further in our kiss. My hands slid up his slim neck and buried into the base of it, sliding my fingers into his hair, dragging my nails along his skin.

"Bella," he breathed out in a low, rough voice. The voice he used to call my name sent a wave of arousal through me as it brought a memory into the forefront of my mind. My eyes closed to picture it.

_"Bella," he exhaled as he leaned onto his arms, his head hovering over my own. I arched my back up, his chest meeting my own. He breathed heavily and kissed my neck. His dark hand caressed my pale skin, causing a drastic contrast. His woodsy scent caused my mind to race. Jacob was going to kill me if he didn't touch me soon..._

I opened my eyes to break my fantasty to see Edward move his way down to my neck, noticing that his hands moved to my lower back as he pulled me into him. He was most certainly aroused, his clothing-restricted length pressing against me. I knew that this would likely end with Edward stopping at the pinnacle of my need for some type of release, but I'd try to keep this going as long as I could. My hand dropped to his behind and I squeezed gently, grinding against him.

"Please," I begged.

Please don't stop now.

His hands rose up and forward, gripping my rib cage as his thumbs rested on the outside of my breasts. I rubbed against him again, my attempt to prevent him from stopping was obvious. He moaned again, shuttering slightly as I felt his resolve dwindling. My right hand fell and slid across his hip, then his stomach and down to grab him where he wanted me most. I palmed his cock through his jeans.

"Holy..." he nearly coughed out and leaned into me, "Bella, stop."

_I almost had him..._

I dropped my hand in defeat and looked up at him. He kissed my nose and hugged me tight as I slumped into him.

"You are too tempting for your own good, you know."

I sighed and muttered, "Not tempting enough..."

"Come on, let's go. I have to run to the grocery store for my mom," he grabbed my hand and lead the way out of my room.

The summer air felt so refreshing and clean, so much cleaner than my home on the East Coast. The sun warmed my skin and it took the focus off of my tremendously starved libido. Edward opened the passenger door to his Volvo and nodded for me to get in. I sat down and buckled in, watching him walk around the front of the car. He looked completely unfazed from our romantic rendezvous.

He got into the car and smiled that famous, crooked smile that won him the "best smile" in our graduating class. Of course, all of the girls in our class voted him in hoping that their measure of good faith would equal a date with him. He put the car in drive and took off toward the grocery store, always driving much too quickly.

Once we arrived, Edward opened my car door as he always insisted opening it for me. Chivalry was key with Edward, always the gentleman. I laughed as he stuck out his hand for mine, helping me out of the car. I laughed and shook my head.

"Thank you, young squire," I teased. He was born in the wrong century.

"You are quite welcome, m'lady," he ribbed back.

I laughed and grabbed his hand as we walked toward the sliding, automatic doors. Just then, the doors opened and a large figure stepped through holding three plastic bags in each hand. The stature on this man was tremendously impressive and my mouth dropped open as I ogled him. He was about six foot eight inches and was as wide as a professional football player. His muscles were proportional throughout his whole body and his t-shirt and jeans were worn. His baseball cap covered his face as he walked past with his head down.

_Damn. He was...sort of...beautiful._

Just before he passed, he glanced down at me and his nearly black eyes bore into my own, causing me to gasp. Tears hit my eyes simultaneously as the baby face I held firmly in my memory transformed into that of the god in front of me. Dark skin. Huge hands. Beautiful soul...

"Jacob?" I started shaking at the realization.

"Hey, Bells..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, here you go! Another update from another point of view. I do hope that you enjoy. I hope to update more soon...**

**Chapter 4**

The sun blazed through my window, heating my already naturally high heat index, as I kicked off my blankets. I groaned and stretched out diagonally on my bed, rubbing my face simultaneously. I was thankful that I had taken the day off today to enjoy myself and get some housework done. I had been putting so many hours in at my shop I had no time for myself, for my house, for my dad, even. It felt good to sleep in until the sun was high enough in the sky to warm me, the slight breeze flowing into my room through the open window.

My eyes opened and I groaned quietly, alerting the house that I was awake for no particular reason. Just then, I heard her walking down the hall with a fast pace. I smiled knowing that she was coming for me, only to me.

_My girl..._

She turned the corner into my room and I felt the bed give way slightly as she jumped up onto the bed, standing over me.

"Hey, girl," I grunted out as her front paws rested on my chest and she leaned over my face, licking my cheek continually. My border collie, Blue, greeted me the same way every morning and truly, she was the only female visitor I really have even had in my room. She was the closest thing to a woman companion that I had.

Sad.

"You're a good girl, aren't you? You're the only girl for me, Blue."

I kissed her muzzle and ran my fingers through her fur until I decided it was time to get up. Standing slowly, I adjusted myself through my boxers and glanced up at myself through my dresser mirror. My hair was cut short and my chin and cheeks were full of day old stubble. I ducked slightly to inspect my hair closer, finding space on my mirror that was not covered with pictures or words...

Those words...

There wasn't a day that I didn't read them. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about her. Her handwriting was a perfect blend of scribbling and elegance, messy and perfect - just like her.

I couldn't really even say her name. My dad tried to bring her up every now and then and that was really the only time that I'd deliberately ask him to stop. I could not take him saying her name, or anyone for that matter. It hurt too much...

I should just forget about it.

I should let this go.

I should forget about her and move on - try to find someone who wants me and would fill the void in my heart. However, there wasn't anyone else that I wanted to fill her space...

She has steadily visited my thoughts since she left, but she consumed my mind even more now that I knew she was actually in town. Albeit, she was in town for her own wedding, but still. She hasn't been home in years and I knew that there was no doubt that I'd end up seeing her before then in this small town.

If I didn't, I'd see her walking down the aisle.

I groaned out loud at my realization and opened a dresser drawer to take out a clean pair of long, blue gym shorts that hit me perfectly at the knee. My body couldn't get any bigger. I was pushing six feet eight inches and my work kept my whole body firm and lean, not that I was interested in showing anyone in particular my figure. I thew on a white t-shirt and my baseball hat and walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

After the morning rituals were complete, I threw on my flip-flops and swung the screen door open. Blue followed behind and marked her territory a couple of different times on the way out to my truck. As I opened the door to let Blue jump up and in the truck, I slammed the door and grabbed my phone that I let charge on my phone charger overnight.

_What happened to my other charger, anyways?_

My one voice mail was from my dad instructing me to pick up some items for him at the grocery store. Since I was on my way there anyways, I figured I could follow through on that for him. It's too early to run into her around town, anyways...

I rolled the windows down for Blue and ran in quickly, stuffing food in my cart as quickly as I could. With as much food that I consume each week, I didn't really care about what I ate as long as I had something to eat. As I checked out, I grabbed the six bags of groceries in my hands and walked briskly toward the exit.

As the doors opened, a familiar scent hit my nose and everything stopped. It was almost like what happened in the movies: the people around me froze in mid-air, everything was in slow motion and my eyes closed, recalling the familiar smell.

Strawberries.

My mind rewound quickly through all of the memories that I experienced over the past few years. I watched all of the memories flash before my eyes until I paused on one that I saw each and every night before I went to sleep.

_She cried out my name as I pushed into her, reveling in the feeling and essence that was Bella. Her body screamed to me and had done so for what seemed like forever. I hoped and prayed that our time tonight would be enough to make her stay, but I knew better. Instead, I focused on the swell of her breast, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed heavily, and the pink tint of her cheeks as she arched her back into me._

I hadn't even seen her yet and I knew that she was here. I kept my head down toward the ground, secretly hoping that she wouldn't notice me. More than anything, I didn't want this to be the first time that we reunited. I wasn't ready yet...

Her laugh echoed through the entry way and my heart beamed. She was happy, beautifully enchanting when she laughed. This young woman recaptured my heart yet again without doing more than sharing her joy. Her joy, I soon realized, was shared with someone else as I heard _his_ laugh echo her own.

My growing heart drooped and crashed hard into the floor when I realized that he was here with her. I walked quickly through the automatic door, my gaze still firmly affixed to the tiled floor. The laughing ceased and I could have sworn I heard her gasp.

No, please...

Not now, not here...

Then I heard the most beautiful, yet heartbreaking sound in the entire world ring in my ears, "Jacob?"

My eyes rose slowly, drinking her body in slowing. Her legs were still as pale as ever, but tight and firm.

_She probably still runs._

The small, red shorts covered her ass nicely and her slim waist invited me in while I glanced quickly at her alluring bust. Nothing compared to her gorgeous, heart-shaped face that blushed profusely. Tears brimmed along her eyes as she sighed out my name.

Still, she was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen...

"Hey, Bells."


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is an update - special from me to you. I love all of you that take the time to read - enjoy! **

**Chapter 5**

Uh...

Wow.

I did Jacob a serious disservice the last time that I was with him as he was truly so much more than sort of beautiful. He was all encompassing, real and intensely gorgeous. The tingles that ran across my skin and nerves caused me to shiver slightly and overwhelm my senses.

Tears filled my eyes just by seeing him and I felt as though I was whole again. Any kind of unknown longing that I was very familiar with over the past couple of years disappeared. He positively captivated me. It was as if God designed him from top to bottom from the same clay as my soul; his presence absolutely called to me. My cheeks flushed at this realization even more so than they already were.

We just stood there looking at each other, watching one another breathe.

Waiting.

I thought that I may have heard Edward mumble something to me before he leaned in to kiss my cheek slowly. He gripped me around the waist and pulled me in tightly, yet I could not repeat what he told me. Not that I did not want to, I just did not even hear it. I felt his presence less and less as he made his way into the grocery store leaving me alone with Jake in the entry way.

"Umm..." I mumbled.

He just stood with the bags in his hands and stared. His gaze could have burned through me. I was not sure what kind of emotion his gaze held, but I knew that it was intense and to be cautious. I wanted to embrace the best friend that I ripped out of my own life, I felt like as though I should run to Edward because I was to marry him within a couple of weeks, but I wanted nothing more than to snake my hands up his muscular torso.

"Hi Jake."

His gaze did not waver at all; he just continued to stare.

"Umm..."

I looked at the ground, ready to burst into painful sobs. I rubbed my left forearm with my right hand to comfort myself, but there was no use. My eyes leaked the treacherous tears I was trying to hold back; they ran over my cheek bones steadily and I wished that my hair was down to mask my shame. I turned to run to the bathroom to get myself together, eyes still at the tiled floor.

Then I felt heat wrapped around my left wrist, circling it, applying soft pressure. My skin was on fire and it spread quickly, as if I had some type of accelerant applied to it as the heat spread up my arm, across my shoulders and engulfed my whole body. I looked at my wrist and noticed an unnaturally large hand wrapped around it, showing me how small I really was compared to this man. I continued on my path as I glanced up his forearm, massive biceps and bulky shoulders to his scruffy face and dark eyes. I was stuck. I couldn't move or tear away.

He must have set his grocery bags down as his other hand reached up to cup my face, cradling it gently. His thumb wiped away the tears that were streaming down the right side of my face; he did not change his expression at all. It was intense and unwavering.

"Don't cry, Bells."

Jake pulled me into his terribly muscular chest and wrapped his big arms around me. I was surrounded again by the scent that was Jacob as I lost myself in it. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, gripping him tightly. I didn't want him to let go of me and I did not want to lose him again. Ever.

I tried to make words come out, but nothing would come but his name, "Jacob..."

"I'm here. I always will be. I really missed you, Bella," he whispered, pulling me in tighter. I twisted his t-shirt in between my fingers, willing myself to let him go, but I couldn't. Not now. Not after this long...

"Ahem," came a voice from inside of the store. It was my Edward, my betrothed, my future and current life. I had to let Jacob go. Again.

I wiped my remaining tears off with the back of my hand and pushed Jake away from me, inhaling a large breath simultaneously. I looked over at Edward and his glare was cold and directed at Jake. He glanced at me and his eyes softened as he held his hand out to me. I was a bit too overwhelmed to confront Edward's unfriendly nature. I simply glanced up at Jake and smiled a forced smile, nodded, and turned to Edward and took his hand. Before we both turned the corner into the store, I looked back at Jake and raised my hand, waving slowly.

He pursed his lips and stepped forward once toward me, looked into his empty hands and back at me. He waved back, defeated, and I was gone.

****

_It was in the middle of the dark of night when I heard my front door open._

_"Charlie?" I called out, but I heard no response. Loud thumps sounded in the stairwell as I assumed a very large person ascended the stairs. I looked around my room to find something that I could use as a weapon, but found nothing but some books and shoes scattered about my room._

_The steps sounded louder as they neared my bedroom door and I hid under my blankets and pillows, resolved in hiding until my fate was sealed. The doorknob creaked along with the hinges as my door slowly opened._

_Another step toward my bed._

Oh shit, I was going to die, _I thought._ This person will kill me, I know it...

_One step closer._

_I could hear him breathing. The floorboards groaned underneath his weight as he shifted from one foot to another, standing next too my bed._

_One step closer and I felt his shins hit my bed as it rocked gently. I felt one of my pillows lift in the air, followed by another and another. I grabbed the blanket around my head tighter as if that were my only means of protection. The covers were ripped away and I gripped my knees reflexively, pulling myself into the fetal position, my back to the man._

_My bed gave way as the man sat, then turned to lay out on the bed behind me. I whimpered in fear as I felt his skin brush against mine. He rolled onto his side and pulled me into him, holding me closely. I would have fought against him, kicked him or bit him. That was until I noticed the heat radiating from him._

_"Jake," I whispered._

_I felt lips on my bare shoulder that moved across my shoulder to my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. I moaned and leaned my body into him more, grabbing his hand and moving it to my breast. I snaked my hand behind me and slid it down his side, letting it drop to his ass and grasped it tightly. He pushed into me and I felt his obvious arousal press into my back._

_"God, Bella," he moaned._

_He slid his hand down my thin tank top, past my breasts and slid underneath my panties, finally touching me where I've wanted him to for years._

_"Yes Jake!" I screamed._

_Jake shook me without explanation, but the sensations rocked through my body. I was so close to release, I didn't want him to stop. I encouraged him again, "Please, Jacob Black don't fuckin' stop! I have wanted you for too long..."_

My shoulders shook again and I willed myself to turn to him, to kiss him. To show him exactly how much I needed him. Before I could, I was shaken again. The room went dark and Jake faded away as my eyes opened. I glanced around the dark, unfamiliar room and was frightened.

I looked at the arms that were holding me and they were much slimmer than I recalled them just a moment ago. Edward's eyes expressed his obvious concern; I must have been dreaming.

"You are at my house, remember?" he said calmly, "You know, your fiance? Edward?"

I snuggled into Edward's chest as I closed my eyes again, eager to fall back asleep. I was so tired. My mind must have left me as my words slipped right before I fell asleep, "Goodnight, Jacob."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Blue licked my hand after I threw all of the groceries into the bed of my truck, greeting my entrance into the cab of the vehicle. I could feel the tension in the scowl on my face, looking in the rear-view mirror I could see it. All I could see is exactly what I have been looking at over the past couple of years; my reflection showed a broken, defeated, abandoned Jacob.

_She will always choose him, Jake. She told you that herself. _

My hand reached my forehead as I tried to smooth the furrow in my brow, dropping my hand as it pushed the skin on the rest of my face on its way down. Once my hand hit the seat, Blue nudged it with her wet nose. I looked at her I swear that she gave me a sympathetic glance. The front of my shirt had some wet marks from her spilled tears. The way that she felt in my arms seemed to make me feel complete, whole. My skin crawled with anticipation of her touch and I sighed knowing that I should not expect anything. But how can you walk away from a feeling like that?

_You know that she felt that too..._

My inner-monologue was driving me crazy at this point. I knew exactly what I felt for her and I wouldn't allow myself to divulge in every fantasy that I have ever had with her. It would hurt too much. I put the car in drive and headed toward my dad's home with one image in my head: her hands wrapped around my waist where they _belonged_.

****

Over the next couple of days, I pretty much did nothing but work. I would not risk seeing them again together, specifically seeing him with his hands on her. The disgusting man that he was and the secrets that he kept; the things that he did were repulsive. If she was going to choose something like him over me, I still could not wrap my brain around it.

_I wonder if she had ever been with him_...

I was underneath the hood of some old lady's spotless Chevrolet Celebrity - a total "to church and back" car. My hand moved too quickly as my mind wandered with fury. I don't remember what I touched, but it was hot and stung the hell out of my index and middle fingers. I yelled a couple of cuss words as I put my fingers into my mouth, instinct I suppose. The slightly burnt flesh tasted horrible and I spat out my fingers, my swear words flowing freely. A couple of other guys in my shop stopped what they were doing to look in my direction. I rarely ever had an outburst like this; I was the quiet, controlled one that new how to have a good time at work. I loved my shop, but today I don't think I could take this knowing how close that I was to her. I had to get out of here.

"Jake, you alright?" Seth, my most trusted employee, asked me.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I need to go - you guys alright to close up the shop tonight?" I looked at Seth as I questioned them all. He nodded once and squinted his eyes slightly, his expression showing concern and curiosity. I faked a smile, "Just having a rough day. Don't worry."

I made quick work of washing my hands and grabbed my keys before heading out to my truck. The heat from the midday sun surprised me as it washed over my skin, causing me to perspire almost instantly. In Forks, it never reached high temperatures except in the late summer months. I preferred cooler temperatures due to my naturally high heat index. Because of the heat, I unbuttoned my work shirt and removed it to drive the rest of the way home shirt-free. I started my truck and rolled down the windows, opting for a fresh summer breeze than the air conditioned faux-air, as I drove through town.

The town was buzzing and alive throughout the summer months. All sorts of people were out and I waved at most of them as I drove by. I was fidgeting with the radio to find a decent song to listen to when I reached the outskirts of town. Looking up from my radio, I noticed a group of individuals in the distance, hovering around something next to the old, abandoned Shell gas station. I drove closer and slowed slightly, noticing that there were about three young men surrounding...

A young woman?

They were scrappy little guys, all standing shoulder to shoulder around her as her back was pressed up against the wall. My assumption was that they were the same hooligans that allegedly roughed up another girl earlier this summer. I couldn't really catch a good glimpse of the girl, but she was in running gear. My previous assumption turned into a solid theory when I saw one of the boys push his scrawny, nasty body up against hers. She struggled quickly and I'm not certain, but I think that she threw a knee to his goods as he grabbed himself and dropped to his knees. Another boy grabbed her by her brown hair and ripped her head backwards, tossing her to the ground.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I prepared myself physically for whatever confrontation that these boys wanted to dish out. I peeled into the worn out parking lot, screeching and sliding to a stop. I threw my truck in park and didn't even bother turning it off.

This would be quick. And fun.

"Well hello, boys," I exhaled in the lowest voice that I could, stalking toward them with my fists clenched. They all looked up, including the pansy on the ground grabbing his crotch, and gasped. I accelerated my pace in their direction, "I think it's time for you to go home to your mommies and daddies. Let the girl go."

They blinked a couple of times and rolled their eyes at me, trying to mask their fear. Two of the boys that were standing crossed their arms and stood tall. The boy on the ground stood up tenderly, stepping cautiously. "We were just talking. Why don't you mind your own business, dude?"

"Dude?" I asked incredulously, "Dude?"

I took three steps closer to them, standing chest to chest with the douche that deserved that kick in the nuts. The top of his head barely hit my shoulder as I glared down at him. My day had not gone well prior to meeting this cocky bastard, so this was just icing on the cake. I reached toward him and gripped onto his t-shirt, pushing him backwards until he slammed against the old brick wall. He whimpered as terror washed over his face.

"My business as a fucking human being, douchebag, is to stand up for a woman that is being ganged up on by a handful of no-good, low life shitheads, like yourself. Now I know all of your nasty-ass faces. If I see any of you so much as think about doing some crap like this again, I will rip your heads off with my bare hands. Don't think that I couldn't or I wouldn't."

I stared him down, perhaps even growled a bit, as I watched the tears pool and spill out of his eyes. Gratified in his reaction, I dropped my hold on his shirt and he fell to the ground, landing clumsily. I was so heated, I didn't even realize that I was holding him up in the air. The boy scrambled away as he urged his companions to follow. The other boys glanced back at me and dropped their eyes to the ground immediately after connecting with my steely gaze. They all rounded around the building and I heart them take off running back into town.

Once I knew that they were gone, I turned my attention to the young woman on the ground next to me. In any other situation, I would have taken my time by drinking her whole figure in. The mystery woman had on a tiny pair of shorts and a running tank top, her brown hair tied low in a messy ponytail. She was laying on her stomach, her ass somewhat perched in the air as she pushed herself up with her hands. She sat back on her knees and inspected the scrapes on her hand, sighing as she brushed the gravel out of it. I glanced around and noticed what I assumed would be her iPod laying on the ground to my right. I reached down to pick it up and heard the woman gasp.

I glanced up and met the most gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes that I had ever seen. Those eyes were familiar. Friendly. Those eyes were the same eyes that I have seen for countless years every time that I closed my own eyes.

"Bella."

I dropped the iPod and ran toward her, kneeling in front of her, as I inspected her for further injuries. My hands grabbed her face, cupping it gently yet firmly at the same time. Loose hair spilled all about her face from the brutal assault it had recently received. My thumb slid across her cheekbones and I trembled slightly.

"What if I wouldn't have been here in time? Oh God, Bella..." I whispered, dropping my head to my chest. I felt one of her hands grab my wrist, the other she rested on my denim covered knee, rubbing it lightly.

"Jake, you saved me," she seemed a bit hesitant to continue, "I didn't think that you would ever want to talk to me again after what I did. After..."

I decided not to tell her now that I didn't know that it was her when I chose to help. I would have done it either way. Especially if it were Bella.

"Bells, I loved you then and I love you now. How could I not help?" I grunted out. I slumped forward slightly, feeling the pain of the wound that I just ripped open. I hadn't admitted it to anyone out loud since she had left that night, years prior.

I lifted my head again to see her eyes filling with tears, "I didn't deserve it, Jake. I don't deserve it." She was shaking her head frantically, seconds from breaking apart. I sat back and repositioned my legs in front of me, simultaneously pulling Bella into my lap. Although she was likely in the middle of an intense run, she still smelled wonderful. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest, resting my chin on top of her head. Her sobs were uncontrollable and consuming. Between sobs, she would sigh out an apology while gripping me tighter.

"Bells, relax," I said in my calmest voice, "Bells, shh..."

She melted into me the more I whispered, the more I tried to soothe her. Her breathing slowed, but her grip on me did not loosen. We sat in the dirt until we were both breathing in at the same pace, exhaling at the same time. The spark of her skin against mine was strong and somewhat distracting.

Her head lifted slowly to face me. I glanced down at her, my face inches away from hers. I could not help but bring my hand up to her neck, wrapping my fingers around it gently. We stared at each other for a long while before she spoke.

"Jake - thank you."

I smiled, "You're welcome, Bells."

She licked her lips and dropped to glance at mine, then bringing her delicious eyes back to meet my gaze. There was no way that she didn't feel the same magnetic pulse when our skin touched, the same desire. Her eyes burned through mine, confirming my suspicion. She did want me - just as much, if not more, than I wanted her. Bella's breathing hitched as I gripped her tighter, tilting my head toward hers slowly. Her eyes closed and I could feel her breath against my lips. The same breath I have dreamed of for what felt like forever. The same lips that I have kissed over and over again in each and every dream I dreamed.

Yet, I stopped.

***

**Ooooh....sorry about this cliffhanger, kids. I have a thing with cliffhangers and damsels in distress - if you read my other story, Starting Over, you might see what I mean. Either way, sorry about long time, no update. Holidays do that, yes? **

**P.S. I have to drop a line to my favorite author, OhMyWord, whose stories started my obsession with the land of FanFiction. Check them all out - they are all engaging and fabulous!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The sun was barely shining when I woke up. I was a bit disappointed in my inability to sleep-in specifically when I did not have to work or go to school. My hands found my hair as I pulled out the messy ponytail that had come loose during my tossing and turning last night.

_Last night._

There are some nights where dreams seemed like they were absolute reality, where I woke thinking that whatever images my mind conjured up actually happened. Last night was one of those nights. The feel of his hands on my skin, his warm body laying next to mine, even his deep, woodsy scent felt completely real.

_Real enough to call out his name._

Unfortunately, the name that I uttered was not that of my betrothed, Edward, sleeping at my side. I know that he heard me. I felt his body grow still, as if he was waiting for me to say more. Hopefully this will blow over smoothly - after all, it was only a dream.

_Only a dream..._

After fingering through some of the snarls in my hair, my hands fell to my face as I rubbed my furrowed brow and wiped the sleep from my eyes. I looked to my side to see Edward sleeping soundly, his disheveled hair flattened and sticking up in the perfect fashion. I smiled, admiring him like this. Unconceited. Innocent. Unashamed. No one would use those words to describe him, particularly those that have seen his pretentious nature.

I got up and walked toward the bedroom door and stopped, something catching my eye. Edward's notification light on his phone was blinking. I turned toward the bed to monitor my fiance's steady, heavy breathing before turning back toward the phone. The red notification light blinked. My eyes widened as my interest in that notification was heightened. It blinked again. I reached toward the phone and opened it cautiously, quietly. The message was from an unknown number:

_Tell me what you want and it will be done._

I marked the message as unread as I set the phone back down, ensuring that the blinking light remained in tact. Just as I was about to step through the door, he called my name.

"Bella, what are you doing?" My heart started to pound with tremendous intensity as I turned toward him, hoping that he didn't witness me invading his privacy. I breathed in slowly through my nose to calm my nerves. His head was still buried in the pillow, eyes shut tight, but his shoulder and arm were uncovered from when I rose out of bed. He pulled the blanket up over his shoulder, snuggling in. I exhaled in relief when I heard his light snore.

That was close.

***

The next couple of days were rather uneventful for me. For any other bride, they would be absolutely thrilling. There were two bridal showers held for me as well as cake testing at the bakery downtown.

Boring.

Every day was spent portraying a happy, excited bride ready to take on her new life with her future husband. Every night, I went to bed early hoping that I would dream again of the tall, gorgeous ex-best friend with the magical hands. Like always, I played the part perfectly during the day and he always visited my dreams at night.

Today I had no plans. Edward told me that he wanted some alone time and decided to go hiking with his best friend Emmett. I questioned Edward on his sudden desire to do an outdoor activity that he'd never done previously and he just waved me off, telling me that I didn't understand. I really did not care; I was looking forward to some alone time. The day of the hike, I decided to get up early to make coffee and breakfast for Edward, but he sneaked out the front door without even saying goodbye. I heard him whispering something on his cell phone, but I couldn't be sure what it was. I just shrugged and sipped my coffee.

***

My restlessness took over me as I sprinted up the stairs to throw on my running gear. It was a rare day in Forks where the weather would was hot enough to even make me want to enjoy the warm, summer air. I had not exercised since we came to Forks and with all of my intentional passivity, I needed to burn off some hidden aggression.

I grabbed my iPod and turned on my playlist that I designed specifically for cleaning and working out. I ran to the beat out of my father's driveway, down the road, through town and toward the outskirts of Forks. I could feel that today's run would likely be a longer one. Sweat started to bead down my back and across my forehead when I decided it was time to turn back.

I was running back toward town when I noticed a group of young men walking in my direction on the same side of the road. They were all young and skinny, but they all seemed to have had a bit of an edge to them. After checking for oncoming traffic, I ran across the road to avoid them. I continued running and glanced down to find a good song to listen to next. Once I made my choice, I looked up and fear flooded me.

Those boys were crossing the street and heading right toward me.

I stopped running and looked around. Outside of the old, nasty abandoned gas station, there weren't any establishments or houses that I could flee to. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I turned to walk toward the gas station parking lot, trying to avoid them.

They followed.

"Hey baby - where you going?" one yelled at me. I buried the ball of my right foot in the ground as I braced myself to sprint past them. I took off to the left slightly, attempting to run between the boys and the building. I felt a skinny hand wrap around my wrist, whipping me to a stop. Another hand grabbed my other wrist and two of the boys had each of my arms, pushing me into the wall of the old building.

"Where you running off to, hot legs?" the third boy spoke, standing in front of me, smirking.

I didn't answer.

"I said, where are you running off to?" He stepped forward and leaned into me, sticking his face directly in front of me. I leaned to my right to avoid him. The two other boys released my hands and the one to my front grabbed my shoulders, sliding his hands down my arms.

"Wow. If you're this wet here, I can only imagine how wet you'd be..." his hands dropped from my arms to grab my stomach, sliding down further. My gut reaction kicked in, literally, when my knee jerked upwards. It connected hard against his crotch, causing him to moan in pain, falling to the ground. I had little time for victory, let alone an escape plan, as I felt a hand bury into my hair, throwing me fiercely to the ground.

I stayed still on the ground, face down and awaiting my fate, until I heard a vehicle screech to a stop near me.

_Thank God._

I heard a man's deep, powerful voice bellow out. Although I could tell that these boys were afraid of him, the voice calmed me. It was one that I had heard before, but I couldn't place it. He continued on with his tongue lashing, assaulting them verbally better than I could ever dream of doing. Soon, the boys ran off and I felt safe, once again.

Knowing that they were all gone, I pushed myself back slowly and sat on my heels. I was not hurt badly, but I could feel my nerves unraveling. I could have been beaten, raped, kidnapped, or murdered. I could have been removed from this Earth before I could finish the one thing that I HAD to do. During the whole encournter, only one thought crept through the back of my mind the entire time:

_I can't die without telling Jacob Black how I really feel._

The thought crossed my mind again and again as I picked through the gravel stuck in my arm. My eyes burned and my head was tender from earlier, but I resolved on thanking my rescuer properly. I turned back and saw the man leaning over to pick up my iPod with his dark, strong hands. My eyes slid up from his hands to his arms and perfectly chiseled shoulders. His whole body was thick and muscular, the body of a man. I should say man-god.

He was gorgeous. He was my rescuer. He was...

_Jake._

"Bella," he breathed out. I couldn't help but stare at the way my name rolled so easily off of his lips. My eyes drank him in as he ran toward me, sliding on the ground slightly, kneeling in front of me. His hands grabbed my face and he looked me over thoroughly, checking for injuries. He breathed out, "What if I wouldn't have been here in time? Oh God, Bella..."

His body began to shake and tremble slightly, his hands on my face burning right through my already heated skin to my heart. Having him this close to me was an exhilarating feeling. It was second to none. Guilt climbed up my throat as it tightened, causing tears to well in my eyes and my voice to crack.

"Jake, you saved me," there were so many other words that I wanted to say, but I hesitated instead, "I didn't think that you would ever want to talk to me again after what I did. After..."

As hard as I tried to hold back my tears, emotions and heartache, I knew every unspoken word, unshed tear and buried pain was coming to the surface. Quickly. I drew in deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"Bells, I loved you then and I love you now. How could I not help?" as he spoke the words, I watched as his whole body sank. He was still so much in pain, that much was obvious. Was he still torn up because of me? After everything that I did to him, would he still even consider being even a friend to me? If my life circumstances were different, would we have a chance now to be together?

Did he feel the way I felt when his skin touched mine?

I wanted to do it all over. I wanted to change that one fateful night with Jacob. I wished nothing more than at that moment back in his room, wrapped warm in his arms, _that I stayed_. At that realization, I lost it. Tears that lingered on the brim of my eyes erupted, "I didn't deserve it, Jake. I don't deserve it."

Just before I broke apart completely, strong arms pulled me forward. Jake sat me on his lap and held me against his bare chest, setting his chin on top of my hair. My sobs fell out and took complete control. The only words that ran through my head were apologies. Apologies for being in this situation and for being the person I was. I recited apologies for hurting Jacob, for wanting nothing more than to turn and kiss the man that I betrayed so long ago.

Most importantly, I apologized for choosing Edward instead of Jacob.

I wrapped my arms around whatever part of Jake that I could as he tried his best to calm me. His steady, even breathing calmed me as I willed myself to settle down. It may have been seconds, minutes, or hours later, I'm not certain. We simply sat there on the ground, listening to eachothers breathing. I leaned into him harder, soaking up each charge that coursed through my skin from his touch.

My tears were mostly dry when I turned toward him. I stared into his deep, brown eyes for a long while. They were just as hungry as mine were - I could feel it. His fingers brushed against my neck, caressing it tenderly.

"Jake - thank you,"

Then he smiled, "You're welcome, Bells."

The last however many minutes since the encounter with those young men allowed me to realize, finally, that I could not live the rest of my life without Jake being with me. I was ready to break everything off with Edward and plead for forgiveness, begging him to consider choosing me. I licked my lips and glanced at his, wishing to kiss his full, beautiful lips. He stared back and leaned closer. I closed my eyes, willing to give in to whatever he wanted of me, waiting for him to close in on my lips. He was so close that I could feel his breath on me.

And I waited.

And waited.

What seemed like an eternity later, he whispered quietly, "I can't do this."

My eyes popped open when he began to stand, helping me up along with him. He lead me to the truck and we drove back to my dad's in silence. The windows were rolled down and the summer breeze grazed my skin, the sun still high in the sky. I looked out the window on the short drive back. The scenario that I replayed over and over was not how close that I was being assaulted or worse, but Jake's skin so close to mine. I didn't blame him for stopping. Why would he still want someone who broke him, who hurt him so thoroughly? I locked my earlier fantasies of happily ever after with Jacob deep in the recesses of my mind. It wouldn't be something that I would consciously revisit, although I was almost certain that I would be seeing Jake tonight in my dreams. Like always.

We pulled up to my dad's house and Jake threw the truck in park. My dad's cruiser was not in its usual parking spot and I did not anticipate him being home for a little while longer. I could feel Jake's stare, but I stilled myself, staring out the window at the house. My heart rate, as it usually was around him, was thumping along faster than normal because of the close proximity. I felt him move, but I remained quiet and still. My left hand was lifted from its place in my lap and it felt like I had just inserted it into an oven. I looked over to see Jake holding it, rubbing small circles against the top of my hand. My incredulous stare left my hand to look at his mouth.

He was _smiling_.

*****

**Alright kiddos! Hopefully you enjoy this one. I anticipate some upcoming lemons, but will they be real life, dreams or past situations? Either way, it will be GOOD. Thank you to all of you reviewers out there - keep it up! Remember, I read just as much as all of you. **

**Think of how much better the world would be if we all just gave each other a review? **

**:)**

**Kind of kidding. Thanks for stopping by and drop me a line if you'd like. Take a peek at my favorite stories right now, I'm digging The University of Edward Masen (so well written that it makes me sad that I'm not better) and my favorite author's Reality and Other Inconveniences. Let me know which ones you're into, as well! I'm always up for a good FanFic. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I could not help it.

I did not want to do it, but I did it anyways.

I reached for her hand and caressed it with my own, soaking up every shock that radiated from her skin to mine. Her sweet, alabaster skin - completely perfect, without blemish. The last time that I really touched her, REALLY touched, was a much different situation. That night, I had my dream woman in every way that a man should want a woman. I showed her exactly how much I loved her and that night, in her arms, I was truly happy.

A slow smile crept across my mouth as I glanced at Bella. She was staring at her hand with wide eyes as if what I was doing was unbelievable. Her eyes lifted to mine and I smiled wider; her stare was comical.

"Friends can hold hands, Bells," I laughed out. Honestly, I would have said anything to keep her hand in mine. I wanted to be so much more than friends, but keeping her skin against mine became the number one priority.

"You want to be my friend?" she barely whispered out in a disbelieving tone.

I could not help but laugh and pondered how to respond to her question. I dropped her hand gently on the car seat, closed my eyes and brought both of my hands to my face, wiping and rubbing it. I groaned as I thought and I felt Bella flinch at the noise. Looking toward her again, she was crunched into a ball, in what appeared to be some sort of pain, against the door. Knowing that I caused this reaction from her, I groaned again.

"Bella, come here," I commanded. Her eyes met mine again and I saw the guilt in her stare. She looked down at her knees and I reiterated my demand, "Bells, come here."

She inched closer to me, eyes on her damned knees. My patience was wearing thin as I shifted my body to the right, simultaneously wrapping my arms around her, pulling her onto my lap. When she settled against my thighs, I pulled her body against my chest, holding her as tight as I could. I felt her body completely relax against me and I couldn't say that I did not feel the same way. With her near me, I felt complete, whole, purposeful.

"No I don't want to be your friend, Bella," I inhaled into her hair, taking in her sweet aroma, "But, I know that your friendship is all that I can have. I guess I can take that - as long as I have you in my life again."

My own honesty surprised me. In some of my daydreams, I envisioned telling her off, calling her all sorts of names. Generally after I did that, my dreams would end with her realizing what she did as she ran into my arms. I doubted that I would end up with such an incredible ending, but a fella can dream.

"A part of me was missing all of these years," she sighed as she spoke, "and that part is you. Jake, I..."

I felt her head tilt up towards mine. My head tried to lean backwards to give us some space, but it was flush against the back window of my truck, disabling my movements. Her body turned slightly, those beautiful, chocolate brown eyes connecting with my own. She was inches away from me.

Again.

I stopped everything earlier because I could not live with myself being the other guy. Yes, Edward was a lying, cheating filthy son of a bitch and there was nothing that I would have liked to have done more than take what was rightfully mine. Yet, my conscience knew better. I could not be that person. I would not be that person. Although, being that person meant attaching my lips to hers and that was awfully tempting.

Those eyes bore into mine, "Jake, there is so much that I want to tell you..."

She dropped her gaze to my lips and she squirmed slightly in my lap. I felt my resolve slipping through my fingers. Bella's hands came up to my cheek, caressing it. I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch, my lips pressing against her wrist. My conscience was slapping me around internally, trying to help get a hold of myself. It reached out toward the depths of my mind, heart and soul to grip onto one shred of willpower. Her other hand raised to my hair, fingering through the strands. The sensation was overwhelming and all of my previous, honorable intentions went straight out of the window. My eyes opened and burned with want for the woman before me. The last I saw her she barely was a woman, but now...

Bella's curves were smoother, more voluptuous. Although she was still terribly clumsy, I could tell that she was comfortable in her own skin. She knew how to handle herself and I wanted her for it. The look on her face quickly transformed to mirror the desire on my own. Neither of us moved forward.

My breathing picked up along with my thudding heart.

My hand found the small of her back, wrapping and twisting the material of her running top in my fingers.

The emotions overtook me.

Her eyes pooled with tears.

My eyes pooled with tears.

_I could not take anymore._

My other hand quickly found her face and I pulled her to me, fast. We both moaned, almost painfully, as our lips connected. The absolute bliss that radiated from me to Bella was the most intense feeling I had experienced. Her kiss was what I remembered it to be - absolute perfection. Our movements were slow, yet purposeful, as our mouths melded in the most unique way. Tears spilled out of my eyes in longing for this woman; the pent up frustration that I hid for all of these years leaking down my face. I felt moisture on her cheek and did not even bother with wiping it away.

Her tongue slid across mine the instant I opened my mouth. Bella maneuvered out of my hold and kept her lips on mine, standing slightly to reposition herself. Her body reconnected with mine as she straddled me, pressing her breasts into my chest. My arms wrapped around her waist, forearms flat against her back, wrapping my hands around her shoulders. My mouth left hers to kiss her jaw, down her neck and her exposed collar. She tasted slightly salty from her workout earlier, but I did not care.

She still tasted amazing.

"Jake," she moaned out. I groaned out in echo, licking up her neck to kiss her behind her ear. Her hands gripped my hair and pulled my head back as she latched onto my lips for a moment before talking in the fucking sexiest voice that I have ever heard, "Jake, you need to know that there hasn't been a day that has gone by when I haven't thought of..."

"Isabella!" a low, gruff voice called out.

Both of our eyes popped open in the realization that the moment was over and that we'd been caught. I also felt fearful, a pit immediately generated deep in my stomach, knowing that this might be the last time I'd ever have her like this. We both turned toward the voice.

"Dad..." she said.

I stared at Charlie slack jawed as he glared knowingly at me. His gaze drifted to Bella, "Bells, in the house now. Your fiance will be home in a couple of hours."

My heart dropped at his words. Bella scrambled off of me and into the passenger seat. Before she vacated the vehicle, she squeezed my hand and stared up at me. The tears were still fresh in both of our eyes. She forced a smile, deliberately stalling.

"Now, Bella," Charlie called.

The one expression that spilled from her was obvious: sympathy.

She reached for the door handle and slipped out of my grasp, slamming the truck door behind her. I looked down at my empty hand and back up at her. She ran up the steps and all but dove into the safety of her home. I felt eyes on me and glanced over to see Charlie with the same damn, sympathetic look.

Charlie took a step closer and spoke very, very quietly, "Don't give up on her just yet, son." He smirked at me and turned toward the house.

_What the hell was that?_

_*****_

**This is short, but sweet. Where will it go from here? I loved y'alls feedback from the last chapter - thank you for dropping a line! I know that I promised some lemons in an upcoming chapter - I will not go back on my word. **

**Either way - thanks again for reading! You all rock my face off! **


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter flops back and forth between perspectives - oh boy! Oh boy! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9**

_I drove away slowly. Her scent lingered in my car. _

_----_

_My back leaned against the front door as I listed to the sound of his truck fade into the distance. _

_----_

_I turned the shower on. The heat from the steam took me back to the cab of my truck, pressed in between her body and the cool window. I allowed myself to be happy..._

_----_

_When Edward called me, I told him that I wanted to be alone tonight. I let my thoughts float away to a world where I could stay in Jake's arms forever. During that moment in time, I was happy..._

_----_

I heard the TV on downstairs and I secretly hoped that he was awake. I wanted to talk with someone and the only person that now understood what I was going through was my dad. I thudded down the stairs awkwardly, hoping that I would wake him up if he happened to have been asleep. My path indirectly lead me into the kitchen for something cool to drink. I heard him clear his throat and sit up in his chair in the living room.

"Bells?" he called out.

"Yeah, dad?" I smiled at how well my plan was working thus far.

"Come here and sit down with me for a while when you're done in the kitchen," he answered quickly. "Bring me a beer while you're at it, please."

_A little liquid courage for this conversation, Dad?_

I grabbed a dark brown bottle out of the fridge and my glass of orange juice and made my way into the living room. I handed the bottle to Charlie and plopped down onto the couch. He sat up in his easy chair slightly, twisting the cap off of the beer.

"So...you had an interesting day, huh?"

I cleared my throat, "Yep."

"So...what's going on between you and Jake?" He asked knowingly.

"Umm....it's complicated," I replied. I knew that it wouldn't be enough, but I thought I could at least try to delay the truth from coming out as long as possible.

"No it's not. Do you love him?" Charlie was all business tonight.

I grimaced and hesitated by swirling my glass of orange juice.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love him?" Charlie starred intently at me.

I breathed in deep, "Yes..."

Charlie nodded, "Alright. That wasn't too hard now."

"But Dad..."

He interrupted, "Do you love Edward?"

I looked up at him and he sat patiently, awaiting my response. I breathed in again, "Edward has taken care of me the past couple of years. He paid for my apartment, he fed me, he helped me get into college."

"Bells," Charlie leaned forward and spoke with a purpose, cutting to the chase. "Do you love him?"

Each of his words were enunciated slowly, purposefully. I felt my nerves give way as I shook nervously, "I don't know."

Charlie leaned back against his chair and took a sip of his beer, "Well then."

I waited for him to say something profound, something that I could mull over. He simply stared straight ahead with furrowed brows. After what seemed like forever, he spoke, "I did not know that your mom and I were not meant to work out when I asked her to be my wife. Neither did she. What each of us did know was that we loved each other and we couldn't imagine spending our lives with anyone else. I still don't regret the time I spent with your mother because for me, she was the love of my life and she gave me you."

I waited for some type of revelation to sink in, but nothing did. I waited patiently for him to continue.

"What I'm trying to say is that I chose your mother because I was absolutely, completely in love with her. I saw her being the mother of our future children, being my soul mate, being my best friend forever. I did not CHOOSE to marry her because I felt obligated."

Charlie took another swig of his beer and sighed, "Bells, you have a choice in the matter and a big decision to make. You get married in three days," I gasped in realization that the time had zipped by so quickly and my heart felt terribly heavy within a moment. He turned toward me and stared intently, "Don't make the wrong choice."

****

Blue woke me up again the next morning - early. I groaned at her weight on my chest and pushed her gently off of me.

"Girl, come on...it's too early," I pleaded and flipped the pillow over to the cool side, simultaneously flipping to my stomach. She whined and nudged my arm with her wet nose, licking every spare inch of bare skin available.

"Ugh, fine..." I rolled out of bed, feet hitting the floor unsteadily. I had on only a pair of basketball shorts sleeping and decided to grab a sweatshirt so I didn't scare the neighbors with my near nakedness. I ran my fingers through my hair as I checked my reflection in the mirror, ducking between the marked glass, then turned toward the hall and the front door. The lock was undone as always and I opened the door to let out Blue. I watched her run around like a puppy, giddy to finally be able to run around like an idiot. I smiled as I watched her and glanced up to see a car in my driveway.

I also noticed a figure in the car.

A silver car...

_Who owns a Volvo in this town?_

*****

My alarm was set this morning for 8:00 A.M. so that I would not be late for my dress fitting at the seamstress downtown. I groaned as I rolled out of bed to hit the shower. I knew that today I wanted to look nice so that I could see what I would really look like in the dress. I washed with my favorite freesia scented body wash and strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner. Vanilla lotion moisturized my skin after the shower and black mascara coated my eyelashes. A little blush, some lip gloss and a curling iron later and I was ready.

I skipped down the stairs in a zip up sweater and shorts, throwing on my chucks. Glancing outside from the kitchen window, I observed that Charlie's car was gone. I smiled as I thought about our conversation the night before. My nostalgia was interrupted when I noticed another postcard sitting on the table. The front featured what appeared to be a couple overlooking the cliffs at the reservation. The picture was taken by one of the people in the photo as all I could see was their feet and the view from where they were sitting. It was cute and I smirked at its appeal. I flipped it over and read slowly:

_Bells - _

_Promise me you'll stop by before you become Mrs. Cullen. _

_There is something that I want to show you. _

_Yours, _

_Jake_

There wasn't any postage paid stamped on the card and I wondered if he dropped it off last night. My phone buzzed in my pocket to remind me about the appointment set 15 minutes from now. I carefully folded the card and stuffed it in my back pocket and headed for the door.

*****

The figure moved in the vehicle and opened the front door. The bronze-tinted hair was a dead give away as he moved toward me. The look in his eye was serious, with an obvious mission in mind. I walked out the door and stood still on the steps as he made his way over to me.

"Edward," I nodded to him. He did not extend the same greeting.

"Listen up, dick," He challenged. "Bella chose me, not you. If I so much as catch you thinking about her, I will..."

"You'll what?" I bounded off of my steps and stomped toward him. He cowered and stepped backwards. He didn't say anything.

"_You'll what?"_ I yelled, demanding a response. I stood not two feet away from him and flexed my entire body, attempting to look as intimidating as possible. Edward glanced to his left and to his right, his lower lip quivered just slightly.

"You aren't in control of me on MY property, Cullen," I hissed.

He looked at me incredulously, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I fumed, "You cannot tell ME what to do here. You cannot use your money, power or manipulation around me. It goes for SHIT, asshole."

He flinched as if the words actually hurt, "She's mine, Jake. You know this."

I stepped forward again, causing Edward to step back again and lose his footing, falling on his ass.

"Bella is not a prize to be won, Dick-ward. She deserves someone that will love her, adore her. Someone that won't cheat on her - with his best friend, at that!" I breathed in deep to try and maintain my rage. "Did you think that no one knew about you and Emmett? Are you REALLY that stupid?"

Edward flinched at the words, closing his eyes. "My father won't give me his business unless I'm married..."

I growled, furious, "You have kept her from experiencing real love for a fucking business? For money? Why didn't you choose someone else? God Dammit!"

I had wasted so much time...

"She said yes to me, Jacob. I will take care of her. She will be well off..."

My rage consumed me as I drew my fist back and slammed it forward, connecting directly with his left cheek bone.

*****

The dress was beautiful and fit like a dream. The lace over silk charmeuse strapless gown fit very snugly against my breasts, pushing them upwards to create some nice cleavage. It was fitted through the bodice, through my hips and down my legs. A slight train flitted out the back giving me plenty of room to walk. I stood tall and blushed, almost embarrassed at how good I ended up looking in a gown.

"Miss? How do you feel?" the seamstress knocked on the dressing room door and pushed it open, gasping. "Oh dear, you look so lovely."

She came up behind me to make some adjustments to the small bustle when I heard a loud, annoying laugh come from the front of the shop. The conversation was very easy to eavesdrop on.

"I know right? How could she be so stupid?" the voice questioned and I assumed that she was on the phone. I strained to hear more.

"Well it was obvious even back in high school that Edward was gay, don't you think?" she laughed cruelly with the other person, cackling as if she knew what she was doing. "Yeah, well she's a dumbass if she didn't know that..."

My eyes pooled with painful, stinging tears.

"Yes! And the fact that it's with his supposed best friend. What was his name again?" she paused and I grimaced even more. _HIS name?_ "Oh - yep that's it. Well I hope that she's a big fan of disappointment..."

It was all starting to make sense. Now I could see why he always held back from me, kept me at arm's length. How blind could I have been? All of the lies, all of the weekend trips with Emmett, all of the disappointment. I stepped forward to reach into the back pocket of my jeans to remove the postcard Jake gave me. His address was listed there and realized that I knew exactly where on the reservation that he lived. I turned toward the woman in my dressing room after collecting all of my things.

"I need to go..."

Before she had a chance to argue, I fled the room and ran out of the front door. I eyed the woman at the front desk and smiled before letting the door close, to which she gasped in horror.

****

**Alright, everyone. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! You are all fantastic - sorry about the cliff hanger. Who knows what will happen during the next chapter....**

**Oh wait...**

**I know what will happen! And it will behoove you to stick around to read it. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone - let me answer a couple of questions about chapter 9 here. It switched positions between Bella's perspective and Jake's perspective - if you weren't able to follow, Bella was the one talking to Charlie and the one in the wedding dress...Jake was the one that punched Edward and owned the dog named Blue as outlined in the beginning of the story...**

**Sorry, that response was a bit sarcastic, but perhaps I do need to be clearer in the future. :) Also, I did have a glaring typo that Siffel (anonymous - get an account so I can formally apologize back to you!) that was pretty funny. Instead of saying "pooled" I wrote "pooed" - pretty damn funny that eyes can poo out tears, yes? **

**Either way - enjoy. I tried to take great care with this chapter....will what we've been waiting for to happen actually happen here or will I be cruel to all of you and make you wait longer? We shall see...thanks again for stopping by!**

**Chapter 10**

I hopped into my dad's truck that he very graciously let me borrow and threw my clothes and phone into the passenger seat. I pulled the dress in the truck so that I didn't slam my train in the door and switched the keys over to start the engine. I threw the vehicle in reverse and turned around to back out of my parking space when I saw him. He was standing helpless next to his silver Volvo, visibly broken. My heart sank slightly, but fury coursed through my veins simultaneously.

The truck purred to a stop after I put it back into park and switched it off. I opened the door, jumped out and ran toward Edward. Hot, angry tears spilled over my skin and I growled to myself at how many times I had cried over the past couple of years. All of the tears were because of him, because of his lies and manipulation. A sob escaped me as I stopped a couple of feet in front of him, my arms limp at my sides. I assumed that he was waiting for me to speak, but I did not have the strength to start anything.

I did, however, have the strength to finish one thing in particular.

He started hesitantly, "You heard..."

It was then that I noticed his raised cheekbone, swollen as if he had just been hit. My gut reaction was to tend to him, but I resisted and nodded at his question. I wondered quietly who assaulted him until he spoke.

"Listen, Bella..." he exhaled, looking at the ground.

"No Edward, you listen," I fumed. "For ONCE, listen to me. I don't give a damn that you're gay. I don't give a damn that you're in love with another man. I don't fucking care about that, but I DO care that you led me on for YEARS. You told me that you wanted me, that you loved me. You kept me away from my best friend and my family....you took me away from everything that was important to me and made me feel guilty for wanting what I had every right to want."

He dropped his head, "Bella, you don't understand. I wanted to take care of you. I was going to tell you after we were married. My father won't give me my business until I am married. I was going to tell you..."

"Stop, Edward," I held up my hand. "Just stop. I am not that kind of woman. Fuck you for thinking that I was. Fuck you for your manipulation and FUCK MYSELF for being too damn stupid to know any better. Shame on me for staying with a dipshit like you."

I turned and started walking away, frustrated with the whole situation. I did not want to see him again - ever.

"Bella, I still want to marry you; I don't trust anyone else! You are my best friend and I want you in my life. I still want to try to make this work, tell me how!" He stepped forward and grabbed my arms, turning my around.

My anger turned to all-consuming fury. I turned to look up at him, then dropping my gaze to his long fingers wrapped around my upper arm. I hissed through my teeth, "Marry Emmett and come out to your parents. There - issue solved without me being involved in your life. Kindly let me go."

"But you're my best friend - I don't want to lose you..." he sighed and his eyes pooled with tears.

I ripped my arm away and pressed my hands to his chest, pushing him, "You didn't apologize for anything you did to me and you still call yourself my friend? Friends don't do shit like that to each other. DO NOT TALK TO ME AGAIN!" I screamed.

I turned and stalked back to the truck and jumped inside, slamming the door. I switched it on and threw it into reverse and turned around. I saw Edward standing next to his meticulously maintained silver sedan, staring at me with a slack jawed look on his face.

His Volvo...

I hit the accelerator and backed up quickly, watching with pure glee as his expression changed from incredulous to fearful. I was going about 15 miles an hour, but that was enough to do some needed damage as the hitch to my father's truck slammed into the Volvo's back side. I put the truck into drive and drove away, looking at his mangled car in my rear view mirror.

The smile that crept across my face was a bit sadistic, but I did not care. I was free. I made my point.

And I was on my way to Jake's.

-----

I ended up pulling over on the side of the road not two blocks from Jake's house. I could see his front porch and what must have been his dog sleeping soundly outside of his screen door. My hands were violently shaking and my stomach twisted in so many different knots that I could barely think straight. I had cried myself out on the way there. My reflection in the rear view mirror was rough; my eyes were red and the mascara that I applied earlier this morning ran down my face. I wiped away the black smudges and fluffed my hair gently.

The car was in drive for a couple of minutes, but my foot was pressed firmly against the brake. All possibilities ran through my mind as to what could happen: _What should I say? What will he say? Will he even see me? Would he even want me still?_

Doubt clouded my thoughts, but the desire to fight for the man that I loved more than anything gave me reason to lift off of the brake. The truck eased forward gently and the closer I got to his house, the more that my whole body shook. I pulled into his driveway and placed the shifter in park, sitting quietly in the idling truck. His dog glanced up at me, stood and began to growl. I cringed as she barked repeatedly in my direction.

The screen door swung open and he stepped out in his athletic attire, barefoot. He held a butter knife in his hand and a bag of bread in the other and looked in my direction. His arms fell limp at his sides and his brow furrowed. I never glanced away from him as I fumbled for the key to turn the truck off. I breathed in deep and reached for the door handle, opened the door and slid out.

I walked slowly toward the front door, my eyes glued to the ground in front of me. Once I reached the steps, I raised my head slowly and reconnected with his intense stare. My breathing hitched at the close proximity to Jacob.

"Hi," I said quietly.

He didn't respond, but raised an eyebrow and glanced me over. I looked down and brushed my hands over the useless gown and sighed, "I had my dress fitting today."

Jake nodded in response. His dog stood at attention at his side, glancing up at Jake every now and then to gauge his reaction.

The hope I had felt on the way over was dwindling quickly. I rubbed the fabric of my dress nervously between my fingers and bit my bottom lip nervously.

_Here goes nothing..._

"Jake, I called off the wedding," I locked eyes with his. "I need you to know that I made a shitty decision when I left your house...that night. You are all that I've dreamed about for years. It's always been you, Jake."

He remained motionless, yet his breathing was heavy. His eyes were dark and filled with an emotion that I could not place. I waited for a while and neither of us moved. His dog sat patiently as we continued in our silence. After a long while, I sighed in defeat.

"I guess I'll be going. I....I am so sorry, Jake. You are worth everything to me. I would work my whole life to make up for what I did to you," He didn't say anything, nor did he move. I exhaled again, "I love you, Jacob Black."

I was broken, but he didn't deserve to see it. I reminded myself that I deserved nothing from him as I turned toward the truck. My eyes were trained on the ground before me yet again. I was half way to my sad ride home when I heard it.

A quiet thud and a clang.

I rotated toward the porch to see the knife bouncing and the bread laying against the wood floor. I turned to my left to see Jacob walking toward me quickly. I stopped in my tracks. The burn in his eyes could have put a hole through me, his intensity maxed out. He did not slow down when he neared me.

I held my breath.

His hands reached forward and claimed either side of my face, pulling me toward him. Once his lips connected with my own, my pitiful, shattered world was miraculously healed instantly. He was soft. He was rough. He was urgent. He was patient.

He was mine and more importantly, I was _his_.

My tongue brushed against his lip and he moaned in response. After I finished running my tongue against him, I took his lower lip between my teeth, tugging very gently. I sucked his lip sweetly where I bit him, finishing my tease with a chaste kiss. When I glanced up at him, his eyes were closed and it seemed as though he was temporarily stunned.

"Bella..." He finally said.

Very quickly, he bent over and lifted me up into his arms, carrying me bridal style. I laughed internally at the irony. His pace was fast as he walked toward his front door, swinging it open and stalking through his living room. Once we reached his bedroom, he set me down gently, allowing me to take in his room. It looked pretty plain - there wasn't much more than his bed and a dresser. The dresser looked familiar and I glimpsed at the mirror that sat atop of it.

There was writing on it. The marks were a bit faded, but they could still be read.

It was my handwriting.

"Jake, I..." the realization that this was the same note from when I left him that night was overwhelming. He must have thought of me this whole time, too.

"It was all that I had of you after you left," he sighed.

I turned toward him and threw my arms around his neck, gripping him tightly. My lips attacked his and he echoed my movements. The realization sunk in for each of us that we both wasted so much time; we weren't about to waste anymore.

His hands slid along my sides, feeling my curves from my hips to my breasts and back down again. I laced my fingers into his hair, tugging slightly, causing a moan to creep out.

If that wasn't the sexiest noise I ever heard, I didn't know what was...

I dropped my right hand to wrap my fingers in the front of his sweatshirt, pulling him flush against me. We both groaned at the contact. I slid my hand underneath his sweatshirt and felt his solid abdominal muscles greedily. He hissed at the sensation. I decided that I was dissatisfied with the limited view of his flawless figure, so I dropped my left hand and ripped his sweatshirt over his head, throwing it to the ground. My mouth immediately connected with his chest, kissing and nipping every inch of skin that I could reach.

His hands made their way up my back and wrapped around the zipper of my gown. He fumbled with it for a moment before turning me around, pushing me forward. I caught myself on the dresser, my ass pushed out and my back arched slightly. I glanced at Jake in the mirror, licking my lips simultaneously. He wound his hands down to my waist and back up again, unclasping the gown and pulling the zipper down achingly slow. I was growing terribly impatient with his teasing and glared at his reflection. He smirked back.

Once my gown was unzipped, he peeled it off of me slowly, pulling it down to the floor. I stepped out of the dress and remained where I was, bent over in front of the dresser. Jake tossed my gown aside and gripped my hips. His fingertips dug into my skin and set me on fire. His hands slid across my stomach and traveled upwards, settling just below my breasts. I watched as his dark hands covered my pale skin, lighting me up inside. I closed my eyes and moaned his name as he rubbed and teased my nipples. The sensation caused me to sway my hips, seeking friction. I backed up just enough to come in contact with his tremendously hard length and rubbed against him.

"God, Bella..." He hissed and turned me around to face him. Jake pulled me close to his body and I hitched a leg up around his back side, his hand catching and cradling my thigh. I ground myself against him and he leaned toward me, kissing me like a man possessed. My hands found the waistband to his shorts and I tugged down firmly and wrapped my hand around his cock. I stroked him with an even, firm tempo.

"Shit, oh god dammit, that's good," he yelled. The effect that I had on this man gave me a surge of new found confidence as I dropped to my knees, licking his length from base to tip. Jake grabbed my hair as I took him fully into my mouth. He swore again and again as I took his impressive cock in my mouth over and over. Suddenly, my hair fell and his strong hands wrap around my shoulders, pulling me up.

Before I could set my feet on the ground, he lifted me further and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I left open mouth kisses along Jake's neck and jaw while he walked toward his bed.

"I want you, Jacob Black. Please say that you'll have me," I whispered.

He stopped and stared at me, his grip firm around my thighs and ass. Jake leaned forward and planted a chaste, yet passionate, kiss on my mouth. He pulled away and set me down so that I was standing directly next to the bed. His fingers slid between my skin and panties as he pulled them down.

"I want you, Bella Swan. Please say that you'll have me - forever," He added. I looked up at him and smiled. My hand found his face and I pulled him down to kiss me. Jake deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue seductively in my mouth. A familiar ache burned in my belly and I moaned in anticipation. I stepped around Jake and pushed him backwards onto the bed. He fell down and I climbed on top, straddling him.

Just as I settled, his fingers slid across my stomach and down against my core. I cried out at the overwhelming sensations that his touch caused.

"Bella, you are so ready. Fucking gorgeous and perfect...are you ready for me?" He cooed.

"Only for you, Jake. Please....I want you. Now..."

Before he gave me cause to ask again, he gripped himself and positioned it at my entrance, pushing upwards. Jake filled me completely and a low hiss erupted from deep in my chest.

"Holy shit, Jake...Holy fucking shit..." I cried.

I slid back and forth against him, rocking with as much intensity as I could bear. I leaned forward so that one of my hands steadied myself next to his head. His hand teased my nipples, enhancing the dull ache that burned in my stomach. Before long, Jake's hand slid down to massage my most sensitive area directly next to where we were joined. I yelled out his name as my body started to shake against him.

"Not yet, baby..." he commanded. Jake gripped my hips and flipped me around, not breaking our connection. I ended up on my back, my legs wrapped around his waist as he started moving slowing. His thrusts were purposeful and firm while he kissed and licked my breasts. The sensations that he put my body through by his slow movements were consuming and my breathing increased.

"Jake, faster..." I begged. "Please, Jake..."

He grunted as his pace quickened and his forehead leaned against mine. Every exhale that left each of our bodies generated a distinct moan of pleasure with it. As his thrusts came faster, the familiar ache intensified. It tightened and pulsed, my body shaking and convulsing.

"Oh my...Jake...yes....I'm coming!" I cried out, wrapping myself around him.

He grunted in echo and erratically moved against me.

"Bella, yes...." Jake thrust into me a few more times and collapsed on top of me.

Our panting slowed, but we didn't move. His head laid on my chest and my arms wrapped around him tenderly. After a long while, I felt his breathing grow deep and realized that he was slipping into sleep. I smiled and closed my eyes, soaking up the warmth I felt. My mind was filled with pure elation as I also slipped into a deep sleep.

*****

**Here it is! I hope that you enjoyed it...drop me a line, please!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone - wow, sorry for the delay! It's been a heck of a time the past couple of weeks - if you were anticipating a quick update, please forgive me. **

**I read this story and my other one, Starting Over, and I realized so much of my own life is weaved into them. I don't know how much I will reveal, but it's interesting to me nonetheless! I love you for stopping by - enjoy your day!**

**Chapter 11**

"Mmm..." I groaned as I stirred, eyes still closed. For the first time in a long time, I woke rested. Peaceful, almost. My legs felt the heat from the sun shining through my window; I assumed it was still daylight. Although I determined the source of the warmth legs, grogginess was heavy in my head as I tried to determine the cause of the heat against my chest. Heat in my arms. Heat wrapped around my stomach.

And soft hair everywhere.

My eyes cracked open as I took in my room, bending my neck awkwardly down to gaze upon the tremendous source of warmth.

Her deep, wavy hair was a so rich and soft. The perfect skin beneath was pale and still. Peaceful, almost. Her lips pouted as she slept and an ever present scowl in her brow made me wonder what she was seeing as she slept. Her arms gripped around me tight and loosened; the deep brown eyes beneath her lids moved about as she gradually came to.

I leaned in and pressed soft kisses on her eyes, lingering as long as possible. Her scent filled the room and caused me to smile against her skin. I moved to her temple, massaging softly with my lips, encouraging her to wake. My lips dropped down to her cheeks, reveling in the warmth that they brought. I pulled away just enough to see the color flush across her face, alerting me that she was well awake. Finally, I moved to her lips. Kissing, caressing, prodding her - and she met me with every move.

I moaned in satisfaction as I pulled away, smile glued onto my face.

"Hey."

She sighed and smiled, "Hey yourself."

The word vomit came, but I figured I'd be honest with the first thing that came to mind, "You're still here."

Bella dropped her eyes for a couple of seconds before I cupped her face and lifted her to my face. Her brown eyes were still cast downwards.

"Bells, look at me," I encouraged a second time when she ceased any movements, "Bella Swan, please."

Her eyes met mine.

"You promised me forever yesterday," I paused, waiting for her to speak.

"Yes..." she barely whispered.

My voice was soft as I echoed her tone, "Did you mean it?"

Bella never took her gaze off of me. She brought her hand up to my face, swaying her thumb across my cheekbone. I leaned into her touch instinctively as she began to speak, "Yes."

My eyes widened at her confession, "Jacob Black, I made the biggest mistake in my life - leaving you. Why would I say no when the only person that I ever see in my dreams is you?"

"Bells, I..."

She was quick to interrupt, "Jake, I want you. That has never changed. It will never change."

"Bells..." I wanted so much to be able to say how I felt, but the only word I could use to describe the emotions flowing through me was overwhelmed.

"Jake, I love you."

She didn't cry, she didn't waver, and she didn't look away. Her stare was intense and purposeful. She was letting me know that she was serious. Could she really have been dreaming of me as much as I dreamed of her?

Instead of turning myself into a bumbling mess, which I was too close to doing, I leaned in to kiss her. I was firm as I met her lips, as if I was trying to convey something. I kind of was. Her lips were sweet as ever, full and delicious. I took her lower lip gently in between my teeth, then dropping her lip to deepen the kiss. She must have been eager; she pulled her body flush against my own, threading her fingers through my hair. My hands slid down her naked flesh, skimming against her hips and waist. She swung a leg up and over my own, pushing her warmth against me.

"Mmm..." I moaned, sliding my hand up to rub her breast, Bella arching her back in anticipation. That was, until the goddamn front door sounded out.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Ignore it."

I moved my kisses down her neck, trying to distract her from the sounds at the front door. She stilled and pushed me away, struggling to hear more of that inconvenient interruption.

"What if it's an emergency? What if they come in here?" she whispered frantically with worry plastered across her gorgeous face.

I laughed, "No one is coming into MY house, Bella. Don't be silly."

She sighed and relaxed somewhat, settling into my side. My arms wrapped around her soothingly as I heard my front door swing open.

"Jacob Black! Isabella Swan! I know you're here. Get your asses out here, now!"

Bella and I both froze instantly and cringed as we simultaneously recognized the voice. We both spoke at the same time.

"Fuck."

"Charlie."

I scrambled out of bed like a 17 year old boy that accidentally fell asleep at his girlfriend's house whose parents got home early. I was scared shitless. Bella pulled the sheets up over her naked body, eyes wide due to the whole mess of a situation. Reaching for my discarded shorts, I hurried to dress, throwing one leg through them and attempting to walk toward my bedroom door at the same time. As I tried to throw my other leg through my shorts, my foot caught mid-step and I tumbled downwards, falling helplessly through the doorframe. My torso and face landed hard against the wood floor as I cursed, embarrassed and frustrated. I was nearly naked lying in the hallway with my shorts halfway on my body as I turned my head toward the front door.

Chief Swan grimaced and breathed deep, "Am I interrupting anything?"

My hands found purchase against the ground after I pulled up my shorts and I pushed myself up from the floor. At that very instant, something brushed against my hip and toppled over me clumsily. I saw my bright green and chocolate brown fly through the air, legs splayed across my back as Bella's left shoulder hit the wood floor next to me. She was wearing a pair of my boxers that hit her almost at her knees and an oversized neon green t-shirt with a large, yellow happy face on the front.

We both groaned as I pushed myself up on my knees, Bella's legs sliding down either side of my back. Once I had my balance, I pulled her back toward me by her hips so that she was kneeling in front of me on all fours. I bit my lip to suppress a smile.

_Note to self - try this position later._

I stood and brought Bella up with me. Her hair was everywhere in her line of sight; she scrambled with it, pushing and pulling it away from her face and twisting it into a make-shift ponytail down her back. I watched her intently, holding back a laugh as hard as I could. When she looked up at me, I noticed that her cheek was sucked in slightly and a humor danced in her eyes. I smirked and we both lost it.

Right in front of Charlie, who was mad as a hornet, we busted out laughing our asses off.

I pointed at her, "Where the hell did you find that shirt?"

"It was the first one in your bottom drawer that I could find," she wheezed as her belly laugh consumed her. "The better question would be WHY the hell do you have it?"

I wiped my tears away as I leaned against the wall to balance myself as the situation overtook me. Bella leaned against my chest, covering her face with her hands as she convulsed silently in laughter. Our happy bubble popped when Charlie interrupted.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? I get a report from a person in town that MY truck hit Edward's Volvo," he looked at Bella, "YOUR FIANCE'S car! Then I visit Edward at his house and he's got a black eye. He had nothing to say and no report to file. Plus he was holding hands with Emmett McCarty. That was really, umm, weird."

I smiled knowingly.

"Then I come over here and you two come tripping out of Jake's bedroom as if you just downed a bottle of Jack. Will someone PLEASE explain what is going on?" Charlie looked exasperated.

Bella looked up at me, then at Charlie, "Well dad, I was at my dress fitting today when I heard some interesting news about my fiancé..."

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Charlie took the news about Edward and Bella pretty well. Actually, it seemed as if he knew the whole time. I smirked when Bella retold the story of hitting Edward's beloved car with her dad's truck. I promised him that I would bang out any of the dents that she caused to his truck. Then Bella explained our situation and thanked him for a conversation that they had. I don't know when or how it happened, but he nodded knowingly. I will have to buy him a beer for whatever he said to her.

She promised her dad that she'd be home that evening, but he assured her that he wouldn't need the truck until all of the work that I needed to do was completed. He stood and shook my hand firmly, leaning in to whisper in my ear so that only I could hear. "Don't waste your time, now. I expect you to come over so that we can have a talk before you make her your wife. It was always you that she wanted, anyways."

I smiled and nodded, planning to make that trip as soon as possible. After he left, I looked at Bella softly.

"What did he tell you?" she inquired.

I shook my head, "None of your business, old lady." I stepped closer to her and tucked her hair behind her ear. She smiled at me and leaned into my touch. I leaned down to kiss her when my stomach started to grumble.

"Hungry, fella?" she teased.

"Yes, ma'am."

My mouth found hers as I pulled her against me. She moaned softly and fisted her fingers in my hair. Before I had a chance to echo her embrace, Bella's stomach growled loudly. I rested my forehead against hers and smiled. She panted against me, but loosened her hold.

Bella stood on her tip-toes and pressed her mouth against my ear, "Want me to cook for you?"

My arms wrapped securely around her waist as I picked her up in the air. I laughed and kissed her cheek, "Do you have any idea how perfect you are?"

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**Well - there you have it. Sorry for the terribly long wait time for this one. You all rock my face off - review if you'd like! I know I would like it and I will certainly try to reply!**


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